Lately, well for months now, I have been wondering what direction we are supposed to go. Colin has wondered that too. As we have searched for some answers we have been blessed to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. It has really been a true test of our faith and continues to be. Without searching we have found encouragement from the Lord at times when I thought I wasn't being heard. I pray a lot to find comfort in the unknown and have such a great desire to know what direction to go, which ones will be fruitful and which ones won't. I hate the thought of "spinning our wheels." I like to know what is going to happen and the sooner I can get it on the calendar the better. I know that the Lord works on his own timetable, not mine and I should be prepared for what will come or what may not. I was reading the Ensign, a magazine our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, prints monthly, and read an artical by our prophet, Thomas S. Monson. It was pieces of a "treasure map" that will help us "guide you to your eternal happiness."
1. Learn from the past.
2. Prepare for the future.
3. Live in the present.
Here is the full article if you are interested
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f3677e6832ce8110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
Just the other night we were reading from the Book of Mormon in the book of Alma. Colin was reading, I think, and as he read this I thought of how this scripture applied to us.
Alma 58:11 "Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our soul, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him."
I didn't mention it to Colin but at the end of the verse he stopped reading and said, "Does that sound familiar?" I didn't make the connection at first and he explained it to me and of course, he said just what I thought. I didn't feel like it was ironic but felt strongly that it was the Holy Ghost speaking to both of us together
Even though we struggle every day, waiting for an answer or direction to go we know that God is listening. We receive this "peace to our souls" and have "great faith" that we will be "delivered" from this unknowing time in our life.
Colin has been more than diligent about searching for a residency checking out the websites often more than once a day, when time allows. We do realize that it is possible that we won't get a residency this year and have to reapply for next year so, in preparation for that Colin has begun the process of applying for his medical license. The unfortunate side to this is that it can/will take up to 12 weeks to get it. Therefore, finding a job as a doctor will be pretty difficult and internship is over the end of June which will leave us jobless and insurance-less with a baby due in August.
Despite this and some amazement from friends, we have been able, through the Spirit of the Lord, to have peace in our lives, with some anxiousness or moments of waivering faith. We are certainly not perfect. I have such hope and know that we are being watched over with our best interests in mind. The Lord has blessed us in life so far. I hope there is no reason for the blessings to cease. Thankfully He's not like that.
10 comments:
Lori,
I really loved this post. Growing up is so hard to do, sometimes I just wish that we could be settled wherever it is we are supposed to be, but then would would miss the point, really. You two are great examples to us. I also know that the Lord has a plan for your family, and it really shows the strength of your faith and character the way you are waiting for that plan to be known with such grace and faith.
Becky, you are too kind and give me way to much credit! Thank you though.
I totally agree with Becky. And I have no doubt you'll end up where you're supposed to be eventually. (I'd love it if it was close to us! :) Isn't it incredible when you are able to recognize the Lord's hand in your life? Not that it isn't always there, it's just not always visible.
Anyway, I think I remember something about Jason's work, and if you were to leave the job or something that the insurance you had at the beginning of your pregnancy was supposed to cover you through to the end, even if you weren't still paying for it. I'm not sure about that, but you should check on it.
I love you Lori, you really are amazing! Colby and Eva ask where Mia and Jack at least once a week. :)
Dana
Dana, you are so sweet! That would be great if we were close! I still feel bad that Mia was a bit mean to Colby when we were there but I had to laugh when Colby tried to keep Jack out of the toy cupboard downstairs. Jack still asks for Eva and he actually can say it now. I need to check on the insurance thing. When I was pregnant with Mia my insurance had to carry to the delivery for me because of the law or rule. I have wondered that about the insurance here too. I just need to call them.
Thank you for this wonderful post. I really need to, "live in the present". I appreciated hearing that. :)
I really love this post, too!! I think all of us are dealing with something similar (or we have in the recent past), and this is a very positive reminder to all of us. It will definitely keep me going for now. Thank you so much for sharing. You really are a solid example to us.
Thank for this post. I need it to know I'm not the only one.I feel your pain...I finally decided to enjoy everyday 'cause I couldn't deal with what 'happends next' anymore. I pray that the Lord will bless you in your endovours and keep the faith
Lori and Colin,
You're so deep and so focused. I know that waiting is frustrating at best, but as long as you're together, working on life, you'll never be spinnig your wheels - better together, right? (great bumper music btw). You and Colin are doing your most important life's work, cultivating your relationship and nurturing those sweet children. For that, whereever you are is where you're supposed to be. Your professional future will just be a means to that end.
From my "aged" vantage, I know that there will always be questions about the future. Even once your professional life is set, there will still be questions. Even though all our kids are gone and we're contemplating retirement, Debby and I seem to have more questions than ever to consider. How soon? what do we do with the practice? missions? where-when? funding? etc, etc, not to mention concerns about all of you and your dilemmas. It's all part of the test, I guess, but I suspect that in time, it will all become part of the joy. That's the way the Lord's plans usually work out.
Regarding security, or potential lapses thereof, don't worry. There are lots of us here to help. We're family, and we care.
We love you all,
Dad
It is better to be together because we have all of you to be with and hold us up. Thank you for all of your thoughtful and wonderful comments. We sure love all of you!!
Lori- your friend is right about insurance. I have been super-worried about that too. I am deathly afraid that when MBC finds out (I am still mum and not showing) that I am due smack in the middle of the semester, they might rescind my contract. Which would be a nightmare and a blessing all at once... Anyway, my Dr has a set price for OB care/delivery (sounds wierd, all Drs do though here in VA) and I know that I will have to pay $596 out-of-pocket and I have to have that paid by August- once that is paid, I am set with my insurance and the delivery.
The ironic/peaceful thing is that I have insurance guaranteed through August... it is September on that is up in the air and dependent upon them "allowing" me to teach right after a cesarian. I taught the summer term to have insurance through August for that reason.
You will be so close to delivery at the end of June that I am sure it will be the same.
My big dilemma is what about insurance for the baby AFTER delivery and for me as well (I am currently on $800 worth of meds each month). I really do not want to go on medicaid. That has been something I have never "had to do" and it is not a pride thing. It is a I-worked-HARD! thing. I just don't know. So many things are up in the air and I am trying to be positive (good job with that) but I admit I am scared of what is next. I am glad that you have lots of support, that must make all the difference.
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